Lisa and Deb were married last year, before Hawaii officially recognized the right for all citizens to marry. Their wedding was amazing and beautiful and it didn't seem to matter that the bill for equal rights hadn't passed yet.
I have had the fortune of photographing several civil ceremonies for same sex couples in my career. I am very excited to participate in my very first same sex state sanctioned wedding in January, now legal in Hawaii. I remember the first same sex ceremony I photographed years ago and it was a profound experience that still brings tears to my eyes.
The was Chicago in 2007, Molly and Andrea had hired my employer Daniela Cardili for their wedding photography.
When they initially contacted Daniela they asked if she would have any "problem" being a part of their celebration and the concern they had troubled Daniela. Dani does not accept every wedding that comes her way, the chemistry and personalities of the couple have to mesh but she had no issue with same sex marriage whatsoever. It bothered her because she realized acutely that Molly and Andrea's decision to marry was not met universally with support and the tone of their inquiry betrayed that other vendors and venues had denied them.
Daniela and I discussed this and we thought it was sad but our excitement of working with 2 brides instead of just 1 overshadowed that. We were happy about the venue, the Newberry Library is beautiful, the families of the brides were super nice and everything was falling into place. Our brides had also decided we would eat the same food as everyone else and being spared an awful vendor meal was a little perk. I hate to say it was a typical wedding but that's what it felt like, the only difference is there were the 2 white dresses.
But it wasn't the only difference and it wasn't until the reception, the speeches and the toasts that the biggest difference, the elephant in the room, was made completely visible and blinded me with emotion.
Andrea's sister stood up to make a speech. At first said the standard stuff, but then what she said made really me realize for the first time something that had not dawned on me before.
It was about 5pm in the golden hour of light and the warm sun rays coming through huge windows lit up the room, everybody glowed. Champagne in hand, big sister rises and talks about how happy she is for Andrea. I don't remember her speech word for word so simple paraphrase:
Most girls dream of getting married: finding the love of your life, being the love of their life and living happily ever after. Girls fantasize about their wedding, the big day that is perfect and you're beautiful in your white dress and you walk down that aisle in front of your friends and your family, everybody that loves you supporting you and happy for you. That aisle could be in a church and you are joined with your true love with the blessings of your spiritual leader. The benefits the government allows to heterosexual couples is not a thought in this dream, but implied is the acknowledgement that your state now recognizes you and your partner as one family. Andrea's sister was afraid that she would never see Andrea share in any part of this dream because Andrea loved Molly, and Molly is a woman.
I know the dream well, I too always wanted to find a partner that would love me as much as I loved him, and that he would marry me. At 35 years old I had not realized the dream and it was okay, he might be out there still. Finding that guy had been the hard part, and until that moment it had never dawned on me that if I were blessed with the discovery of true love that my family, my friends, my religion, my government would not support me, would not be happy for me, might not come to my ceremony, might not recognize my partner as my other half. That made me cry.
Same sex marriage is now legal in Illinois and recently passed in Hawaii as well. I did have another bride pair contact for a civil service last year. I called on another wedding pro (he will be nameless) to help me with posing 2 women romantically. He said he didn't know and he doesn't do that. I asked him what he would do if the brides contacted him and he said he would refer them to someone who specializes in same sex weddings. Really? He said he'd find a gay photographer, someone who was comfortable with the lifestyle. I realized he did not unequivocally support the rights of same sex couples and what Molly and Andrea had faced when searching for vendors.
I don't specialize in same sex or opposite sex weddings. I specialize in love&lifestyle photography, wedding photography and family photography. Love is first, and illustrating the relationships is my priority. I know that I may offend potential clients that do not have the same beliefs and many of my colleagues in wedding photography do not take a position on supporting or not supporting the right to marry publicly. We in the business of weddings are mostly silent. Vendors that refuse their services to same sex couples have received negative backlash, and although I whole heartedly disagree with their beliefs and how their closed mind is hurtful, part of me can respect that at least their heart is involved in their life's work. I could keep my opinion out of my business, but my work, my passion for photography is more than business. And after hearing Andrea's sister speak, I could not deny my support and out of respect for everything lesbian brides, gay grooms and I do have in common I would not hide that advocacy. This is all I'm going to write about why I am honored to participate is same sex unions as much, if not more, than traditional weddings.
A few shots from Lisa&Deb's engagement session, and my next blog will feature their wedding photography.
Love&Lifestyle Photographer Heather Ransley lives on Kauai and owns Kauai Bliss Photography, based in Koloa Hawaii, on the south shore of Kauai. Kauai photographer Heather Ransley specializes in Kauai portrait and Kauai family photography, Kauai wedding photography, Kauai Fine Art Photography and Kauai lifestyle photography. Please visit kauaiblissphoto.com to see more Kauai photography, Aloha!
This makes me happy and thank you for sharing :)
ReplyDelete